What Matters Most
by Lady-Von-Bielefeld
Summary: It doesn't matter how long, or how short their time together was. It doesn't matter how they only had a few years; that they only spent a few summers together, holding hands. That they only spent a few winters together, keeping each other warm. It doesn't matter that it wasn't for a lifetime. It doesn't matter that he belongs to someone else now. #Hiccstrid #ImagenotMine


**Lady-von-Bielefeld:** This story is not for the faint of heart. It is a little errr,_ different_ from my other story. It is a scene that has been harboring within the depths of my tormented, sadistic soul for so long that I felt, it needs to be let out. Sooooo, if you feel you are capable of a_ little_ drama, then, by all means,** READ ON**.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Dream Work's How To Train Your Dragon

**What Matters Most**

**By: **_**Lady-von-Bielefeld**_

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><p>Astrid sat, alone in the far end corner of their room. <em>Oh, right.<em> It _wasn't _their room anymore. No, it's not theirs, only_ hers_ and her hearts twitches in the realization of the cutting truth.

She shuffled slightly, contemplating whether to stand up and face the festivities in the great hall, or sit in isolation to wallow on her own self-inflicted distress. She chooses the latter; after all, no matter how everyone says it's alright, no matter how everyone convinces her, it's still bad luck for the _past wife_ to be there at the wedding; at Hiccup's wedding.

The wedding rites had been finished for an hour or so and the loud music only indicated the ceremonies that took place after a wedding. She imagined everyone in the village in their best attires, all dressed to impress the other village Bog-Burglars; the village of their Chief's _new_ wife, Camicazi. She imagined feasting and merriment that would last throughout the remainder of the week. Everyone was probably there, dancing, wrestling, and good-natured _flytings_ or insult-contests as provided entertainment for the guests and everyone who attended. Everyone except her.

She should really get some sleep. She had to… she had to do a_ lot_ tomorrow. Now that she was alone, she had to do twice as much work. And knowing full well that Hiccup built a far too big house for them, cleaning it will take at least a day, on her own.

She stared at her room from one corner to the other. It's_ her _room, now. It wasn't their room anymore, as of tonight, as Hiccup made his vows to his new wife, the room, the house, the land, _everything_ is hers. Solely, hers.

She was richer now, than she could ever imagine; with the biggest house in Berk, the vastest land and not to mention the amount of jewelries and treasures that Hiccup had gotten for her through adventures with pirates and others.

She was richer, now, but she felt poorer than she ever felt before.

She's lucky. Most men would not let her have _everything _after a divorce. They would have fight for the house they built, the land they owned, the gifts, the jewelries that they worked hard for. Most men would have fought her tooth and nail to make sure that she ended up empty handed. But then again, Hiccup was not like most men and that's why she loves him.

She heaved a long, heavy sigh and tried her best to stand up. She had been sitting in that corner, in the same position, with her knees to her chest, hugging herself, for_ hours_ and it was really hard to move. But she had to. She had to get up and _move _on. She dragged her feet to the bedroom window and she caught sight of the celebration. She felt a cold breeze and decided it's for the best to just shut it. The celebration was just too loud and she can't really sleep with_ that_ entire ruckus. But it wasn't like she could sleep in silence too; she _couldn't,_ for days now, she just couldn't.

She leaned on the closed window, her head touching the wall. It took all her strength to not bump her head on the casement like a crazy person, but maybe, just maybe, _crazy _was better than this world crushing, heart shattering feeling she was feeling now. She wished she could blame this on someone else. But she couldn't, simply because there was no one to blame but her. Yes. It was _her fault_, after all. Wasn't it? She pushed this on herself. She pushed this on Hiccup. Yes,_ she_ did and no one else. _I did this._

She froze as she heard her front door open. _Who in Hel could that be?_ Everyone she knows is at the celebration. Probably a wandering thief, taking his chance to steal, knowing full well that the houses were empty from the festivity.

She immediately took her ax and squinted in the darkness, making her way down the stairs with prominent stomping to make sure the thief knows she's there and she's not afraid.

"Who's there?!" She asked, her voice booming.

The person dropped the logs he was carrying and hurriedly picked them up, mumbling in curse words to himself.

Her vision slowly started adjusting to the dark. Her eyes widened in recognition. She knows those mumbles; she knows that awkward clumsiness, she knows that man, anywhere.

"Hiccup." She said her voice in between strong and meek. "What are you doing here?"

With bare fingers he picked up the logs, one by one, walking towards the fireplace. Once there, he stirred the covered smoldering embers, lighting the fire and blowing into the hearth. When the logs began to glow, Hiccup put pieces of pine on them, then the full logs that were in his arms. The room brightened immediately; the warmth radiating from the fire.

"I-uh. I figured you were cold." He shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "You weren't actually the type to make a fire when cold; you kind of bear with it until I come home and built you one."

"Well, thank you for pointing out that I'm too lazy to make my own fire." She said rolling her eyes.

"You know that's not what I meant." He sighed. "You were just always too … _stubborn _to admit that anything was bothering you. Always so…._ Noble_." For time and time again, Hiccup had told her that she had a tendency to let everything fall on her shoulders, that she felt every little thing was her problem to solve, that everything was for her to fix and that she shouldn't. He had assured her that whatever happens, whatever problems arise, she'll always have him. _Always_. She wondered if it was still true, now. She doubted, after all she has done to him.

How can he do this?

How can he look at her, like that? Like she wasn't a disappointment? Like she hasn't betrayed him? How can he just stand there and be so kind, so gentle, so awkward, so Hiccup. Her heart twitches for the nth time that day.

"Right. Thanks." She said, loosening her grasp on her ax. She made her way towards the fire. "You should probably go back now. It's rude to just disappear on your own wedding celebration." She said, teasing lightly.

"Camicazi doesn't mind. She knows this … union, is solely political."

"That's not very nice." She shook her head in disappointment. "She's your wife, now. You should stop being all _this_ and go back to her."She stated as a matter of fact.

Something in her calm collected self and the glow of her cerulean blue eyes snaps the sleeping dragon within Hiccup. "Like it's not very _nice _to just erase yourself from my life like that?" He hissed, fixing his hair in frustration.

"What?" She asked taken a back. "We've been over this again and_ again_, Hiccup! I don't want_ this_ anymore." She said gesturing to the two of them. She's tired of disappointing herself. She's tired of disappointing their village. But most of all, she's tired of disappointing him.

Hiccup took a step towards her. "You don't want me anymore?" He asked his fist clenched.

"For the thousandth time, yes. I don't want you anymore!" She shouted moving her shoulders for emphasis.

"If you really don't want me anymore, then go out. Celebrate with us. Celebrate the fact that you're finally free from your _useless _husband."

"Hiccup, you know it's not like _that_." She whispered. She always felt a pang of guilt, whenever he uses that card with her. Hiccup is not useless. _Never._ If anything, he's too good for her, far too good for her.

"You've been very good to me. I have nothing to say against you. You were a great husband."

"So you tell me now that I was a great husband and you just left me like that?" He said his voice quiet. She didn't even consider his feelings. She didn't give him a chance to fix this. She just pushed him out of her life like that, threatening to disappear if he didn't give her the separation she wanted.

"Sheesh. That just inspires confidence, doesn't it?" He asked, his heart constricting in pain.

Astrid glared him down, even at moments like these, his sarcasm is palpable. She glared at him, challenging him to say more. He doesn't.

"It's been eight years, Hiccup. It's been eight years since our marriage and yet **Freyja** doesn't seem fit for us to have children. And I- I don't want to hold you back anymore. "

His face frowns at the comment. "I told you, I didn't want an heir if it wasn't with you. Didn't I?"

Yes. She knows that. They argued about it for months, after they found out that she can never bear him a child. She'd opted for him to have a concubine then, to have someone else bear his child but Hiccup refused. He didn't want anyone else. He only wanted her and if Astrid will not be the mother of his children, then he won't have any.

He's determined that he would give the chiefton to his cousin Snotlout. He had more children than he can spare and Hiccup was sure one that of them, with the proper training will make a find chief of Berk. He already picked out Snotlout's eldest son, _Sigfrid_ and for a few years, Astrid was okay with that arrangement.

It was only after she saw how _Sigfrid_ was so much like Snotlout (not that it's a bad thing) did she realize she didn't want _that_. She wanted a little Hiccup to be the heir, someone coming form Hiccup's own flesh and blood, even if it's not with her. She knows how important it is for a man to have a son, or even a daughter. It is important to have a bloodline that will ensure your family for generations to come, and although Hiccup hates to admit it, he needs his _own_ heir. He needs to make sure that someone will protect their people when he cannot anymore.

Hiccup will make a great father, she knows it. And eight years is enough for her to know that it's she who's holding him back from a chance to have a child; it's she who is holding him back to obtain that kind of happiness that only a child can bring. It is she, who is holding not only him, but all of Berk a chance to have a great _future _ruler. And she wouldn't have it. He knows Hiccup would be too stubborn to have any woman just for a child; he's only look at her and no one else. And that's why she decided, to divorce him; to free him from his own conscious, to give him his chance to have an heir, to give him his chance to be a father.

"That's it, isn't it?" He asked, his eyes glowing in understanding. "Oh, I ca- I can't believe this. We can still be together. If Camicazi and I don't consummate our marriage tonight than I-we can still- this is great!"His voice was thriving with hope that it shattered her heart with no end to know that she will be hurting him, once again.

"You can't separate from Camicazi, Hiccup. That's not right."

"Well you, telling me what to do, isn't right either." He stepped towards her, she stepped back. All he ever wanted was to be with her, no matter how Thor-headed and stubborn she is. He only wants her. Screw the chiefton! He can easily hand that down, but loosing Astrid is losing a part of him that he can never ever get back.

"I know_ this_ is right."

"Astrid, please. I don't want any other woman." He pleaded, his eyes brimming with the glow of the fire. "I only want you."

"Surely , you must know that I only want you too, right? It's always been you." She asked and he nodded. She smiled a little, feeling relived that at least he knows what he means to her. She clears her throat. She had to be strong for them. She just had to. "But it's wrong, Hiccup. Don't you see that it's wrong?"

"The only _wrong_ thing I see is not being able to be with you."

"No!" She hugged herself, feeling that if she didn't she'll crumble to the ground altogether. "You _can't _say that. If you stay with me, you'll always be fruitless. You'll never have a child."

"I don't care." He shook his head. "I didn't marry you for children. I married you because I love you. And I'll love you, with or without them."

"Then you hate me." She hissed, her eyes shining with premature tears. She can't do this, anymore. She can't hold him back anymore.

"I just said that I love you. Weren't you even listening?"

"If you stay with me and we'll grow old together-"

"That's what I want, that's all I ever-"

"Let me finish!" She snaps and he sighs to listen. "If we grow old, together, without a child and die… you hate me."

"What? I don't understand. How is this telling you that I hate you?"

"That you choose to die without even _trying_. That you're solely putting all this _guilt_ on my shoulders. That you do not want your name to live out among our people, among Berk. That you are robbing them with an heir, a _future_ leader that will continue out your legacy."

"Sigfrid can do that. I've been training him to -"

"Sigfrid is_ not_ your son."Try as the boy might, he will never truly be a Haddock. He will never be able to truly be like him. "Hiccup, please. For your sake, for Berk, try."

"No."His eyes held hers, steady and strong. He will not succumb to this. He will not give Astrid up. Now that he knows her real, _issues_, he's very much willing to go back out there and call this whole celebration off. Camicazi will understand. She knows about Astrid, she knows about them. She'll be more than happy to back down, not like she even wanted this in the first place. She was just forced into this as he was. He's sure that he can-

"For me, then. _Try_…for me."

"What?" He asked mortified. She's willing to go through this? And she's using herself as an excuse. "No!" He hissed. "This-this may not even be about you. Maybe it's about me. Maybe I can't give you a child!" It was true, the healers never said it was her, it could probably be him, or it could probably be both of them, she should really stop blaming everything on herself. She should really try to stop all this nobility issue she's been having.

"God's damn it, Hiccup! Just try will you! _Try_." She pleaded with an utter look of determination, her voice crackling into a sob. "Because if you don't even try, than I…I'm to blame."

"No. No one's blaming you for anything!" He said, grabbing her shoulders and trying desperately to convince her.

"Find then! Don't try. I can't stop you for _not _trying just as you can't stop me from blaming myself _forever_." She whispered into the darkness, her eyes glowing with a look of utter defeat. And that crushed look she gave him was enough to twist a knife in his already broken heart. He can't let Astrid blame herself forever. He can't. It's not her fault that the gods were selfish! That they can't even give them a child, even though they followed the rituals and offered more than enough sheeps by now. They've been good, haven't they? They've been better than others and yet the gods don't seem fit for them to be happy. They've taken their chances of them being parents and now, they're taking their chance of them being together. _Is this what they want? _For him to live a life without the woman he loves at his side?_ Oh the gods hate me._

He held her close and hugged her, stroking her hair in a way that always calms her down. "Alright. I'll -I'll try." He said his voice barely above a whisper. "I'll try, for you." He buried his face on her shoulders.

Astrid felt her shoulder getting wet. He's hurt and now he's crying. And she wants to die for making him do this. She wants to die for being so useless. She sighed, hugging him tighter. It took all her strength to not take back everything she had said, it took all her strength but she did it, because she knows…_this is right. _

"Thank you."

He sighed, holding unto her, tighter. "If I fail, this second time. I'll come back to you." He assured her, not wanting to succeed at all.

"Don't think like that. I _don't _want you to fail." She said loosening her hold on him. She grabbed his shoulders, her hand tipping his chin, so that their eyes can meet. His face was in agony, and it pained him to let him go. But she had to. Nobody said that doing what was right was easy. It comes with maturity, to be able to do what is right, even if it means hurting the one you love, even if it means hurting yourself.

"I'll pray that **Freyja** will bless you and Camicazi with many wonderful children." And with that said, she let him go. She told her to go back to his wedding celebration, to go back to _his wife_, Camicazi; even though it shattered her world to do so. She made him promise that he will try, _truly _try with Camicazi. That he will give her all the respect, the love, the _loyalty_ a wife deserves from a husband, until such a time that they can't try anymore. Then, only then can he return to his Astrid. She made him promise and Hiccup, try as he might, will never go back on his words.

And with that promise, he left, leaving her life completely.

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><p>A few more weeks, a few more months, a few more years later, Astrid found herself at the great hall with Stormfly, trying to avoid the ruckus of the village's celebration. She never did like the whole loud, drunken-state, people get with these festivities. If she were honest, she'd rather stay at home and work on her garden, that was now starting to blossom with wild Berkian roses. But she had to be here, everybody had to be here.<p>

It was Hiccup's third son's name-giving celebration and of course, all of Berk had to rejoice with him, being the chief and all. She had greeted her chief's wife and the new baby with much enthusiasm before sauntering to her regular table with Eret and Ruffnut, the two still had issues to fix, but they love each other well enough. And Astrid was glad for their company, throughout any celebration.

As Hiccup made his way to his chair, dragging two playful children with him, he stopped sidetracks to look at her. He stared at her for a moment and smiled that lopsided smile that she had always adored. Astrid waved and smiled back.

In all honesty, Astrid was happy for Hiccup. Astrid was happy for _them_, for all of Berk. But she can't help but feel a twinge of ache whenever she saw him _that _happy, holding unto his three boys like they were the new prides of Berk. Well, they were, in some ways, but they had some big shoes to fill, before they even amount to anything that Hiccup has achieved throughout these years. Those three boys, with auburn locks and blazing emerald eyes were a reminder for Astrid of what she couldn't give to Hiccup.

Seeing him there, seated on his still too big chair, surrounded by his mini me's made her heart swell with a pang of longing and at the same time an incredible amount of fulfillment for doing what was _right_.

She was thankful for those eight years married to Hiccup, truly, undeniably thankful, for everything that he has done, for all the arguments that made them strong, for every bit of happiness that they shared, for every ounce of love he made her feel. She was thankful, for _everything _with him.

It doesn't matter how long, or how short their time together was. It doesn't matter how they only had a few years; that they only spent a few summers together, holding hands. That they only spent a few winters together, keeping each other warm. It doesn't matter that it wasn't for a lifetime. It doesn't matter that he belongs to someone else _now_. It doesn't matter, none of that matter anymore.

What matters most is that they both did the right thing.

What matters most is that they loved each other at all.  
>What matters most is that once in her life, she loved him and he love<em>d<em> her back.

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><p><strong>AUTHOR'S NOTE:<strong>

**YES! Finally, a one-shot! (Throws confetti everywhere). This story is loosely inspired from the Philippine literature; _The Wedding Dance_. Gods, that short story had so much feels, my heart was shattering just by reading it. Hohohoho :'D**

**So… what did you guys think? Don't forget to send me something to work with! :D**

**Lots of love,**

**_Lady Wyanet Darlain Megan von Bielefeld_**


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